Love and Baseball

One summer at baseball camp, I only got one hit. I plunked the ball into the infield, and the shortstop accidentally beaned it at my arm instead of the first baseman's glove. It hurt, but I'll take what works.

I could have had another hit, though. There was one time when I hit the ball and took off for first base. I saw the shortstop pick it up and get ready to throw me out.

Dispirited, I ran off the basepath and headed back for the dugout. No harm done, I thought. I wasn't going to make it anyway.

The coaches, who had appluaded me through so much lousy playing, were mad this time. They told me that if I had run it out, if I had made it all the way to the base, I would have reached it safely.

That lesson has stuck with me, and now I'm sticking it with you.

And yes, there is a point to the baseball metaphors.

I've moved on from sports to dating, and I've gotten a lot more nihlistic about my failures. It's true that if I feel rejected, I can move on emotionally - I can feel happy a few minutes later - I can jump into the next date feeling hopeful.

One thing I have a hard time doing, though, is believing I might get a second chance after a first rejection. If I perceive that a girl doesn't like me, or even like me enough, that's it - fuck you, and goodnight.

I don't want to persist. I don't want to be the creepy guy who doesn't get the hint. I give up rather than take the chance of bothering somebody who might not want to be around me.

I'm halfway to the base, and if I think I won't get there, I still turn around and head back for my next opportunity.

Well, what about the opportunity I just had? What was the point of starting something if I wasn't going to see it through to the end?

The truth is that when I persist just once - ask for a second date after I was sure the first date was a disaster - I bat around .500. Half the time, the girl is totally up for hanging out again.

Those are hall-of-fame numbers. Ted Williams ain't got shit on me. But I still struggle with the idea.

My advice, then, which has nothing to do with baseball and very little to do with dating, is to always give things one more chance.

I'm not saying to keep plugging away at something that is an obvious failure. But give each of your initial failures one more try.

Remember that if the reward was worth your initial effort, then it's worth a few extra steps. You'll be surprised at how many opportunities stay open for you after you were certain that they were closed forever.