Introversion

I have been an introvert my whole life. I have preferred, for the most part, to exist in my own head than to interact with the world.

I am quiet. I like reading. I tend to be much more comfortable in an empty room than out in a crowd.

Most people are either introverts or extroverts. Each has its ups and downs, for sure. But most people seem to share two beliefs concerning introversion and extroversion:

1) Both are equal. Equally good, equally bad, or equally just there, but one is not better than the other.

2) You are stuck with your particular designation for your whole life.

I will not conclude in this article that either of those are false. They certainly seem constraining, but I haven't yet been able to prove them wrong.

I disagree with them, though.

Introversion has a lot going for it. A well-meaning psychiatrist, an introvert himself, once tried to reassure me: "Introverts think more deeply. We are more intuitive. We notice the little details, and we can use that to our advantage in social situations."

Fine, great. I want more. This article is not designed to give introversion the credit it deserves, because I have my eyes on something better.

Extroverts seem to have all the fun in life. They choose their friends. They get the attention. They are the life of the party. They are brash and funny and seem more alive.

They connect with people. That's huge. If connection is as important as I've come to believe, then I want the ability to connect deeply with as many people as I can.

If I am an extrovert, that will be a lot easier. I will be able to choose the people I connect with. And once I've chosen somebody I want to talk with, I will have something to say and the energy and courage to say it. No more running into the prison bars of introversion, even if the prison I fall back into is safe and comfortable.

Plenty of people see these examples of extroversion as negative, and they certainly can be. One of my hyper-outgoing students once confessed to me that his outgoing nature wore him down. He wasn't in control of it.

For the most part, though, I see extroversion as a very free way to live. And I see introversion as a prison.

It can be a useful, comfortable prison, one that allows us the downtime and reflection necessary to succeed in our chosen fields. But I think that at the heart of it, there is a lack of choice involved.

Most people, given the choice, would at least like the ability to talk to anyone, which they would then temper and use wisely. I know I would.

So, can you jump ship and change your affiliation? I'm certainly trying. It is damn hard to change anything about seemingly fundamental and ingrained about yourself. But I do believe that almost all habits can be un-learned and replaced if you work hard enough.

I want the rewards of extroversion. An outgoing life seems more fun, more electric. But more importantly, I want the choice that most extroverts have - not just of people and situations, but of being able to say what I want to say, when I want to say it, loud enough so that people will hear me.